


Through Change and Happenstance

by verboseEmpath



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Angst, Dave POV, F/F, Fluff, Humanstuck, M/M, PTSD, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Rose pov, Slow Build, and what does plot + violence + romance equal?, genetic mutations, i will lead the charge against leaving rosemary as a constant background ship, like ALOT, rosemary and davekat will be delt w equally, super powers, there is violence and death bc .. this is a zombie au lmao, theres gonna be tons of dialogue and pesterlogs too, uhh there will be a lot of plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-08-18
Packaged: 2018-06-10 18:31:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6969301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verboseEmpath/pseuds/verboseEmpath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose thought she had a lot to worry about when her mother was late from returning home from work. It was bad enough she and her twin brother, Dave, were holed up in the Lalonde mansion due to the sudden outbreak of a deadly virus. Now, she has deal with messages from strangers, a sneaking suspicion that she is a developing supernatural ability,  and a disastrous chain of events that has been set in motion since before she was born.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Don't Want To Find I've Lost It All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this sucks lmao its EXTREMELY self indulgent. ik people hate 1st person point of view but just,, LET ME LIVE OKAY.  
> all chapter titles are from songs i like bc i suck at coming up with my own woops

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 7:30 --

TG: yo rose  
TG: roof  
TG: now  
TG: bring coffee  
TT: What’s the magic word?  
TG: cmon rose don’t do this  
TT: …  
TG: fuck rose im begging  
TG: im prostrate on this dirty ass roof willing to cut off my own dick for you to make me some coffee  
TT: …  
TG: please  
TT: Okay. Give me a minute.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 7:36 --

I closed the chat client window, still bleary from last night’s restless sleep. And the night before’s. And the night before’s. And before and before and before… Yeah. I could use some caffeine, too.

I got up from my desk and tried to stretch out some of the sleepiness, to no avail. Daylight poured through window, doing nothing to lighten my dark mood. The dreams were getting worse. I could dissect them with whatever meager psychology books I owned, but with the lack of Internet and actual professional help, I was fresh out of luck. Not that I thought they meant anything, really. It would just have been nice to know if they were normal or products of my possibly quite fractured mental state. Either way, they needed to stop.

I eventually summoned the energy to head downstairs to the kitchen. The house was eerily quiet without the constant sound of a vacuum or bottles clinking together. How many days has it been since she left? Five? A whole week? They were starting to blur together in synchronized monotony. We were instructed not to leave the house, and we were not about to dispute that, (or at least, I wasn’t), but the mansion was starting to feel like a prison cell. One could only reread so many books and knit so many socks before they start developing cabin fever. I couldn’t bring myself to blame Dave for finding sanctuary on the roof. At least there was fresh air out there.  
Without further ado, I whipped up a batch of coffee for Dave and boiled a cup of tea for myself. I never had the taste for coffee, and it took some time for me to become accustomed to tea. Really, it came out of desperation for energy, and couldn’t see myself ever liking coffee. Thus my daily morning ritual of downing two cups of black tea was born.

Gripping the steaming hot mugs of coffee and tea, I cautiously made my way back upstairs. Dave’s roof hangout was actually the roof above his room. It was the highest point of the mansion aside from the observatory, which, due to its spherical shape, would be difficult to stand and move around on. At first, I did not understand why Dave liked the roof so much. I figured it had something to do with his life back in Texas, but he never spoke much about that. Of course, I had tried to psychoanalyze the situation, but Dave’s mental walls were pretty high. At least now it had its usefulness. Instead of supplying a nice platform for teenage solitude and angst, it now provided a lookout. What were we looking out for? I would be lying if I said I knew.

I managed to make it to the roof without giving myself third-degree burns. In fact, the mugs were keeping me warm in the fall weather. All I had on were pajamas, and they did no good against the brisk wind that was rushing through the trees and whistling in my ears. Dave seemed to be better prepared. He sat on the ledge overlooking the front courtyard. His pale skin and white blonde hair stood out in sharp contrast to his red sweatshirt and dark jeans. He had his headphones on, so he probably did not hear me clumsily open and close the hatch with full hands. Instead, he was oblivious to everything except the music in his ears and the katana in his hands, which he kept twirling at random intervals.

I sat down beside him on the ledge, causing him to jump in surprise. I noticed how his hands instantly clenched around the katana’s grip. But once his brain overrode his instincts and told him it was me, he relaxed and pulled off his headphones. Yet that one flicker of fear had broken his cool-guy façade, if even for a second. I kept that information saved mentally. I couldn’t help it; I wanted to figure out Dave Strider.

He was my twin, after all.

“Oh, thank God,” Dave exhaled as he swept the coffee from my hands.

“You didn’t sleep well last night?” I observe. Even with those ever-present black shades covering most of it, his face looked haggard and worn.

“Hey, you don’t look like the Queen of England either,” was his retort.

I snorted. “Seeing as how the Queen of England is older than our mother’s wine collection, I’ll take that as a compliment.” I knew what he was getting at, though. All I had to do was look in a mirror. My eyes have gotten increasingly bloodshot and heavy, my hair was in a constant state of “messy,” and I was pretty sure these pajamas haven’t been washed in at least three days.

“Guess the end of world isn’t exactly the sandman’s best friend,” Dave yawned.

“’End of the world’? Is that what we are calling this?”

He shrugged. “That’s what I’m calling it.”

"It sounds completely melodramatic. 

"Says the melodramatic one."

I rolled my eyes and decided to change the subject. “Has mom been online at all?” I asked Dave, since he had been up much earlier than I, if he slept at all.

He shook his head. “Not that I noticed.”

We sat in silence for a while. I was running every contingency through my head, and I knew he was, too. The only way for Mother to contact us was through her own invention. Cell towers and the Internet were down. The only reason we had electricity was thanks to our huge backup generators. Luckily, the genius she was, Mother was prepared. Years ago, she devised her own chat client that allowed those with the software to contact each other from whatever distance apart without satellite signal. I had always thought it was a waste of time, but now I regretted doubting her. Ever since she left for work a few days ago, I’d been beginning to doubt a lot of things. Fear’s black fingers were tightening their grip around around my heart. What if she didn’t return? What was the last thing I said to her? Goodbye? Something sarcastic? Probably the latter, dammit. Certainly not ‘I love you.’

Anyway, I tried to be rational. Perhaps her cellphone was dead, and she lost her charger. More likely, she was too busy to contact us. I couldn’t imagine what kind of stress they were under. If Dave was right, the whole world depended on their research. I decided to stick to that theory–Mother did not have time to message us, and everything was going to be okay. No matter what the nightmares depicted otherwise.

“How much longer 'til we know?” Dave prompted, breaking the silence.

“What do you mean?” Though, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what he meant. Since when did he become Mr. Doom And Gloom and I, Ms. Rationale? The world really was ending.

“When do we know for sure that your mom ain’t coming back?”

“Our mom,” I corrected. He’s lucky I didn’t make a comment about that slip of his patented Southern Drawl(TM). “And we don’t. We just have to believe she will. She’s a genius; she’ll be fine.”

“I just…” He looked away, seemingly to fiddle with his shoestrings, but he really just didn’t want me to see the emotions bubbling up on his surface. I placed a hand on his shoulder; I felt him tense and then relax under my touch.

“I know.” _You don’t want to be abandoned again. But you won’t. I am here._ Still, it was odd to see Dave genuinely distressed. He was a master at hiding his emotions, and his shades helped. And yet, even the great Dave Strider cracked under apocalyptic pressure.

“The coffee was fuckin’ great, by the way,” Dave said, back to normal.

I smirked. “Well, I am a coffee connoisseur. I’ve trained myself to know exactly how much water to add to any amount of coffee grounds just by smelling it. It’s an art I have perfected after years of blood, sweat, and burnt off nerve endings. I can only smell out of one nostril now, but my art is still perfect.”

“Yeah, bullshit. You hate coffee. It isn’t even that great. I was just trying to de-rail the feels train.”

“Yeah, bullshit. You love it. Just admit it.”

“You know what I’d love? To be able to stay awake longer than five hours without it.”

“Then why don’t you just go to sleep? You don’t have to stand guard out here, Dave. The infected can’t fly.”

“Because-” he faltered, his mask flickering once again. But not for long. “No fuck that. We are not falling ass-backwards into another Dr. Lalonde show. Take your pyscho-babble notes elsewhere.”

I didn’t point out that I hadn’t really interrogated him since I’ve been out here. Not like I wouldn’t have liked to, but I could tell he was in a mood. Instead, I stood up, dusting off my PJs.

“Suit yourself. I’m going back inside. It’s freezing out here. Try to get some sleep today.”

“Mhm."

I felt bad leaving him alone up there, especially in his fragile state, but I didn’t want to upset him further. Mr. Strider eluded me; it was not often I found it difficult to analyze someone’s psychology, nevertheless feel bad about it. But there was something about him that made it too personal. Did I feel bad because he was my twin, and I should respect his personal boundaries? Or was I afraid to see too much of myself in his obviously tormented psyche? Christ, I was getting analytical with myself. Breathe, Lalonde. You’re making this a bigger thing than it is. You’re both fucked up teenagers, let it go.

I went back inside and closed myself in my room. After tugging on a newly-knitted purple sweater and some leggings, I made myself comfortable at my computer. With the Internet down, there was only so much I could do. I could pester Dave, which would be redundant at the moment. Or I could work on my novel. As pleasing as the latter would be, with my blog, I had no one to read my new material. It felt pointless to write without an audience. Why did the grid have to crash just as the story was reaching its climax? My readers must have been agonizing over the recent cliffhanger. Will the seventh mage make it out of the trials alive? Or will her best-friend-turned nemesis stab her in the back, quite literally?? Stay tuned, folks!

I sighed in despair. Who knew the end could be this boring. Just as I was about to give up on entertaining myself on the computer a message on the chat system popped up. My heart began racing, for surely it wasn’t Dave, so it must be Mother! I clicked on the system’s icon, and was met with disappointment. The message was not from Dave, or my mother. But as far as I know, they are the only ones with the software. Maybe Mother gave the software to some of her coworkers? I clicked the unfamiliar chat handle to open the message. 

\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 8:00 -- 

GA: I Am Under The Impression That This Chat System Works Without Internet Access  
GA: I Hope That Is The Case  
GA: Or I Will Feel Extremely Foolish  
TT: Not to be rude, but who, exactly, are you?  
GA: You Do Not Know Who I Am  
TT: If I did, I would not ask.  
GA: Forgive Me  
GA: My Statement Was To Be Read Exactly As Such  
GA: A Statement  
GA: There Was No Inquiry Involved I Know You Do Not Know Who I Am  
GA: Thus Introducing Myself Will Not Change The Fact That You Still Are Unaware Of Who I Am In Regards To People You Already Know  
TT: Okay. That settles that, I suppose.  
TT: Now that that asinine exchange is out of the way, on with my next question.  
TT: How did you receive this chat software?  
GA: I Stole It  
TT: What?  
GA: It Did Not Belong To Me But I Took It Anyway Without Asking  
GA: Stealing  
GA: I Stole It  
TT: Yes, I understand the concept of stealing. What I don’t understand is how or why you stole it.  
GA: It Was Left Unattended And I Took It  
GA: As For Why I Stole It  
GA: We Were In A Pressing Situation That Did Not Leave Time For Complex Thought Processes  
GA: It Was An Instinctual Decision That Turned Out To Be An Good One  
GA: Have Your Questions Been Satisfied  
GA: That Was A Curtesy I Do Not Actually Care  
TT: Not really, but it will have to do for now. If you have her software, you must know where my mother is. Third question: Is she okay?  
GA: I Dont Know  
TT: And this conversation continues to be utterly useless.  
GA: She Was Not In The Vicinity When I Took The Computer  
TT: You took her entire computer?!  
GA: Yes  
TT: God dammit. No wonder she hasn’t contacted us yet.  
GA: I Dont Know Anything About That  
GA: I Was Just Going To Warn You  
TT: Warn me about what? No offense, but nothing you have said so far has proved in any way that I should trust you, or take anything you say seriously.  
GA: Okay Thats Fair  
GA: But At Least Consider What I Have To Say Next  
GA: The Laboratory Was Breached And So Were The Underground Tunnels  
GA: Myself And A Few Others Managed To Escape But I Dont Know About Your Mother So Dont Ask  
GA: I Gathered Through Information On This Device That You And Your Brother Live In The Mansion A Few Miles Back And That It Is Connected To The Lab By The Tunnels  
GA: My Warning Is That You Should Probably Abandon The Mansion As Soon As Relatively Possible As The Breach Happened Hours Ago And You Will Be Overwhelmed Soon  
GA: Goodbye

\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 8:12 -- 

“Well, fuck.”

I slammed the laptop closed in frustration and tried to think. Mother closed up the tunnel entrance to our estate years ago with the mausoleum dedicated to our late feline friend. So unless that hatch was breached, we should be fine. Still, I slid the emergency backpack I’d been keeping out from under my bed to check all my supplies. I would go outside and assess the situation before making any rash decisions. How trust worthy could this laptop thief really be? Why steal a laptop in the middle of a breach? Their story simply wasn’t adding up. So why did it feel like that dull knife in my stomach just got a nice sharpening? My instincts were screaming at me, but it was if I didn’t know the language.

Before I could prepare for my expedition outside, I heard glass shattering. My first reaction was to look for a weapon. Then I felt silly. GA’s mind games were really getting to me. It was probably just Dave doing something for ironic purposes or whatever the fuck. At least that’s what I would have liked to believe.

That theory was cut short with a bloodcurdling screech.

My hands flew to my ears to ward against the awful noise. I dug into my emergency pack before I found the noise-canceling earmuffs Mother insisted upon. Once I could hear my own thoughts again, I ran through my mental notes on the infected. Mother tried to teach us everything she knew about them, which was only a little. They cannot feel pain. They can only be killed by catastrophic brain injuries. They were essentially dead and held no memories of their past lives. All very zombie-movie type stuff. Until you get to the fact that they are fast and have screams that can make you go deaf or insane or both.

I threw my laptop back open to check to see if I missed any messages from Dave, but there were none. I went back to looking for a weapon. For whatever reason, I hadn’t packed any in my backpack. I guess I was being optimistic, but my uncharacteristic optimism was about to get me killed. Luckily, I spotted my knitting needles on my desk and decided they were better than nothing. I tossed my backpack onto my back along with my computer. The muffs were doing their job, because I couldn’t hear the screaming anymore, but now I couldn’t hear where the thing[s?] was anymore.

I made it my priority to find Dave. I may have lost my mother today, but I was not losing my brother, too.

I crept into the hallway. Dave’s room was across from mine, but I knew he wasn’t there. He had to still be on the roof, or was making his way down. My knuckles were white around the purple needles, and I couldn’t stop shaking. Something was telling me to head downstairs—it seemed counterproductive, but for whatever ungodly reason, it felt like the best thing to do. I was running on pure adrenaline and whatever caffeine was in the black tea; it was not the best day to be behind on sleep.

Nothing moved in the kitchen. I saw the front door shuddering, as if something was pushing against it. It wasn’t getting through; the doors all had deadbolts and the main ones were recently boarded up. So did the scream come from outside? I found that hard to believe, but I also didn’t believe I’d be stuck in this situation in the first place. I was itching to find Dave, but that certain something was urging me to stay put.

Not sure what that feeling was, but it fucked me over. I didn’t see nor hear the infected person behind me.

I was on the floor, and it was on top of me. I mentally cursed Dave for refusing me those self-defense lessons. It looked like it was once a normal pretty girl. But that girl had been long replaced with this raving monster. It reeked; its skin was rotted and hanging loose from its bony dead frame. Its teeth were gnashing, trying to get that bite of flesh it was eternally hungry for. My makeshift needle weapons were tossed to the side. I needed all the hands I could spare in order to keep the infected from clamping down on my face. These things were strong; there was no way I was going to last much longer. The girl’s once blue eyes were now milky with disease and about two inches away from my own. Its decayed flesh was giving in my hands, oozing black blood, and it took all I had not to vomit. That wouldn’t be too glorious of a way to die—drowning in my own bile instead of putting up a decent fight against a dead monster.

It was close enough to where the ear muffs weren’t doing much good, but the creature was more roaring in frustration than it was screaming. It wanted my flesh, and it couldn’t eat if it were screaming.

I sure as hell was screaming.

It had been trying to pry my arms apart, and it was starting to work. My energy was depleting while the infected had an unlimited supply. Everything ached. The muscles in my arms began to pull as the creature got closer and closer to victory. It felt as if my arms were going to snap; they were not meant to be pulled apart at this angle. I pushed back until I felt I would break and then—

A blade protruded from the infected’s forehead, and it was over. Someone was helping me up. Dave. Dave was helping me. He was panting, exhausted. His katana was splattered with black blood, as were his clothes and hands. He pushed his headphones down and I did the same with my ear muffs.

“You okay? Did it bite you?” He asked between breaths.

“I’m fine,” I answer.

Dave didn’t look satisfied. “Dammit, Rose. I thought you were dead. They were pouring out of the mausoleum and I didn’t notice until I heard screaming from inside and oh God, they were going through the back and going upstairs and they were in your room, Rose, _they were in your room_ —“

“Dave! Dave, it’s fine. I’m fine. You saved my life. And as much as I would love to organize a parade in your honor, we should leave. Now.”

My brother’s already noticeably pale face was drained of color. I took his arm and dragged him towards the living room and to the front entrance of the house. If they were coming from the back, we could escape from the front and head straight to the garage. From there, we drive. Where? Well, I’d think about it once we survived to that point.

“The doors are boarded; we’ll have to break a window,” I said.

That seemed to snap Dave out of his shock in order for him to knock out a window pane from its frame. I winced at the sound; the infected knew exactly where we were now.

The next five minutes were a blur of running and hiding. The infected were pouring out of our house and the mausoleum, so the trick was to outrun them. Fortunately, we didn’t have far to run. Unfortunately, the creatures were fast. Nevertheless, we made it to my car without injury.

We had minimal supplies, half a tank of gas, only one real weapon, and possibly a dead mother.

I had the feeling it was going to be a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dam ppl werent lyin formatting pesterlogs is a pain in the ass  
> any notes on characterization or corrections of any sort are welcome! i dont typically edit my work much so sorry if the flow or grammer is off anywhere. characterization may change throughout this chapter in the next (v subtly tho) bc im trying to get a hang of how i want to present these characters, esp dave. im not used to writing dave at all, so i apologize in advance. also let me know if i left off any tags.  
> ima try to update weekly (and maybe even more now that school is *finally* coming to a close)  
> dont be afraid to contact me on here or at my tumblr -- http://wirtings.tumblr.com/  
> thanks for reading my garbage! <3  
> [chapter title from lyrics of Birdy's "Deep End"]


	2. Hope It Isn't Repetition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> suffering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry for this cliche mess. writing dave is getting easier but this chap is rough. and also heavy. like dam. chap three wont be this dark i promise. also-be sure to check the tags with each update bc i will be adding differing things as this progresses

I went through every possible scenario in my head. How I could have checked the mausoleum that night to make sure it was still secure. How I could have gone through the tunnels after I realized the breach had happened, and find Mom. How I could have figured out there was a reason Mom wasn’t replying in the first place. How I could have made sure the back of the house was more secure.

Could have could have could have could have.

I was drowning in could haves.

At the same time, I was planning for the imminent future. I had failed, and I was determined not to let that happen again. I read the log between Rose and the computer-thief over and over while Rose faced forward in the driver’s seat, knuckles white around the steering wheel, refusing to make eye-contact with me. I couldn’t blame her.

From what I gathered in the log, the lab was completely overrun. On the bright side, there was no definite proof that Mom was dead. She was smart, so I was sure she had contingency plans for a breach. So I needed to figure out how to either: a) intersect with her or b) rescue her. The plan had to involve the possibility of both a and b; that way, we come out golden either way.

Rose hadn’t said a word since she told me to read the log. She thought her mom was as good as dead, and there I was letting her drive. I never learned how to drive back in Texas, and it never dawned on me to learn when I moved to New York.

“Rose?” I prompted, needing something to fill the silence. The radio was dead, and I figured it would be rude to tune her out completely by slipping on my headphones and listening to the beats on my phone.

“Mmm?” She hummed. Her eyes stayed glued to the road.

“I’m sorry about your mom. But it’ll be okay. I’ll think of something and we will get her back and everything will be back to normal.” Normal? What was normal? God, I sucked at comforting people.

“Our mom,” she muttered.

I rolled my eyes. I couldn’t help but think of Mom as more of _Rose’s_ mom. She was the one who lived with her for sixteen years. I was an addition, an add-on. I got the other end of the guardian stick when our parents divorced. Not that I knew there was another end to the stick growing up—I was only a year old when our family was divided. Finding out I had a sister at fifteen, a twin sister at that… It was almost enough to make those first fifteen years worth it.

Almost.

“We have to go back,” I blurted.

“We can’t, Dave. There are too many of them.”

“We can’t leave Mom there.” Didn’t she want to try?

She didn’t say anything. She kept driving, her face unwavering stone.

“If there is even a small chance, Rose-“

“ _Dammit_ , Dave!” She exclaimed, slamming on the breaks. The car pulled into an abrupt halt. “You think I don’t want to find her?”

“No, I-“

“Well, I do. I really, really, want to. But…” She trailed off. Even with the car in park on the side of road, she refused to look at me. There were tears welling in her eyes--her violent, purple eyes. _Mutated eyes that she didn’t feel the need to hide_. “I went downstairs.”

“What?”

“When I heard the first screams, I went downstairs. All I wanted was to find you, to make sure you were okay. But something took over me that I excused as instinctual. I abandoned you because of some ‘feeling’ that going downstairs was the better decision. I thought I was making an intellectual choice, that by relying on instinct I would somehow make everything okay. The reality is—I am a coward,” she slammed her hand down on the wheel, tears flowing freely, “I am the epitome of cowardice and hypocrisy. Always thinking I have the answers, always acting as if I am the one pulling the strings. You could have died and now Mother is likely dead and, and we have no home.”

I let her cry--heartbreaking, wrenching sobs that shook me to my core. It hurt because I related to every very single fucking word. But unlike mine, there were flaws to her self-deprecation.

“Are you fuckin’ kidding me? If you had stayed upstairs, you would be dead. Hell, I would be dead, too, trying to save your ass and all. I don’t know about instincts, but that was the best decision you could have made.”

She wiped angrily away at her tears. “You still saved me. That’s more than I did for you.”

“By going downstairs you saved both of us, Rose!” I was getting angry. It wasn’t fair for her to get mad at herself. It was my fault. No one else deserved to carry that burden.>/p>

“I-“ But she stopped. Her disposition changed completely. Her white eyebrows knitted together, and I knew that expression. Rose was the most determined when on a certain train of thought. “Fine. It’s ridiculous, but for peace’s sake, let’s say we are even.” She started the car back up, but her face stayed the same. She wasn’t ready to share her thoughts, but I knew she was on to something.

“I am way more than happy to agree with those terms.”

“Excellent. Now, before we can decide where we are going from here, we need gas. Less than half a tank will barely get us to the nearest gas station, thanks to Mother’s isolationist mindset when it comes to home location.”

“Sure thing,” I yawned. I didn’t even want think about how many hours of sleep I’d gotten this week. Too tired to argue, and too glad to see Rose’s regular façade up and running, I let her take over the situation. I set aside all the crazy rescue missions running through my head and sank back into the seat.

Now, I wasn’t about to go to sleep. Nope. No way. Bad things happen when a dude goes unconscious. Car wrecks, freak zombie attacks (yeah Rose, I don’t care if that’s not the politically correct term. Keep your “infected” or whatever the fuck. They are zombies), and the worst—nightmares. Instead, I pulled out my phone from my pocket. Not having the Internet sucked, but at least Apple had that nice, non-Internet using app called “Notes.” I had entry after entry of sweet raps lined up in that thing, especially since the grid crashed. But as I went to open it, I noticed a notification on Mom’s chat client.

At first, I got excited, but then I remembered Mom’s computer was stolen. So who the fuck…?

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 9:13 --

CG: YOU BETTER HOPE THAT YOU ARE STILL ALIVE.  
CG: BECAUSE I DID *NOT* JUST WASTE TWO HOURS OF MY LIFE WAITING FOR THIS SHITTY CHAT SYSTEM TO DOWNLOAD ONTO THIS EVEN SHITTIER DEVICE.  
CG: SO YOU BETTER PRAY TO WHATEVER WORTHLESS GODS YOU BELIEVE IN. DON’T BELIEVE IN ANY? WELL, YOU MIGHT WANT TO GET FAITHFUL YOU PIECE OF SHIT. BECAUSE IF YOU DIED  
CG: I’LL KILL YOU.  
TG: woah man calm the fuck down  
CG: HE LIVES! FORTUNE SHINES DOWN UPON MY SORRY ASS FOR ONCE IN THIS MISERABLE LIFE.  
TG: uh  
CG: WHICH GODS DID YOU PRAY TO? BECAUSE, FUCK, I MIGHT JUST HAVE TO CONVERT.  
TG: dude who the fuck are you  
TG: and why all the caps  
TG: its disconcerting  
TG: haha fuck that was such a rose word she would be proud  
CG: THERE IS SOME SERIOUS IRONY IN THIS SITUATION, LET ME TELL YOU. DON’T YOU LIKE IRONY, DAVE STRIDER? OH, YES. I KNOW YOU DO.  
CG: SEE, I HAVE *ALLLL KINDS* OF INFORMATION ON YOU THANKS TO YOUR GUARDIAN’S PERSONAL LAPTOP. AND YET, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHO I AM! ACTUALLY, THE MORE I THINK ABOUT IT, IT’S FUCKING HILARIOUS! HAHAHAHA CAN YOU HANDLE THE RED HOT IRONY, DAVE? CAN YOU???  
TG: those sure are some words you just said  
TG: but have you considered the fact that  
TG: wait for it  
TG: i literally don’t give a fuck??  
TG: i just wanted to know your name and why you were screaming but fine  
TG: make it a federal fucking issue for all i care  
TG: ill just block you  
CG: NO WAIT,  
CG: DON’T BLOCK ME.  
TG: too late bro my thumb is perched right here above the block button  
TG: its gonna make that button its nest  
TG: itll be the best fucking nest in the whole forest  
TG: all the other thumbs will bow prostrate in pure submission to my thumbs absolute superiority in architecture and yeah okay this got really stupid really fast  
TG: tldr im blocking you  
TG: and there aint nothing you can do about it  
CG: ASDFGHJKL;  
CG: FINE.  
CG: KARKAT. MY NAME IS KARKAT. ARE YOU HAPPY, YOU DELIRIOUS ASSHOLE?  
TG: mmm kinda  
TG: still wanna know why youre fucking hacking away at your keyboard with one finger glued to the shift key  
CG: THIS USELESS MOBILE DEVICE IS STUCK IN ALL-CAPS, DOUCHE. I’VE TRIED TO FIX IT, AND IT DOESN’T WORK, SO GET OVER IT.  
TG: okay  
TG: so you are in league with that grimauxiliatrix dude who jacked our moms laptop  
CG: HER NAME IS KANAYA AND SHE’S A GIRL. HAVE SOME FUCKING MANNERS AND DON’T ASSUME PEOPLE’S GENDER BY… THE COLOR THEY FUCKING TYPE IN??  
TG: jeez im sorry  
TG: i use dude as like  
TG: an all-gender inclusive term of endearment  
TG: nothing to get your grey underwear in a twist over  
CG: THAT IS SOME OF THE MOST FLAWED LOGIC I HAVE EVER HAD THE DISGRACE OF READING. I WOULD-  
CG: OH CHRIST. SOMETHING STUPID IS HAPPENING. I HAVE TO GO. I DON’T CARE IF YOU DIE OR NOT ANYMORE I’M NOT SURE IF THIS SHIT IS WORTH IT. GOOD-FUCKING-BYE. 

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 9:30 \--

I closed the app, not sure how to feel about that exchange. For whatever reason, those two weirdos were neck deep in my and Rose’s business. I wanted to tell Rose about this new player in the game (Karkat? What the fuck kind of name was that?), but damn, I could barely keep my eyes open at this point. Maybe if I took a quick, light nap, I wouldn’t be so under that I couldn’t wake up at moment’s notice or have a really bad dream. I didn’t actually have a choice in the matter, because my eyelids decided for me. In less than thirty seconds I was out cold.

\---

_We were on the roof. The sun beat down hard, causing sweat to drip from my forehead even though we hadn’t even started. Rose was holding the sword I gave her in a rather awkward position and I frowned. She wasn’t made for a long distance weapon. Her medium height and thin physique suggested speed; she would do better with knives or something of their ilk for weapons. My frown deepened. This felt wrong. Why was I analyzing Rose like this? I thought… Nevermind. Why was it so goddamn hot?_

“Are we going to begin anytime soon?” Rose smirked. She must have picked up on me spacing out.

“You ready?”

“Yes.”

“Alright. Let’s start with your stance. Space your feet about shoulder length apart, with one a little ahead of the other.” I got into position so she would have something to mimic.

“Check.”

“Now I know it’s kinda big for you, but try to start by holding the sword a little away from your body, like this.”

The initial instructions continued, then I began showing her basic advances and feigns. She learned quickly, despite her mismatched weapon. This went on for about an hour before we could actually go at it. We were both sweating, Rose in particular. She wasn’t used to the heat, or this much exercise. The sparring started off slow, then picked up pace as we both got into it.

The sun was beginning to set, and horns from impatient drivers getting off of work could be heard from the street below. Wait. Street? I shook my head; I needed to get over this uneasy feeling. How was Rose supposed to learn if I was acting like a weak piece of shit because of what? Some weird unexplainable feeling of wrong?

We got to a point where Rose had the advantage, thanks to that speed I noted earlier. I knew she couldn’t beat me, but I panicked on instinct anyway and went defensive. I pushed back, blocking her right attack and moving towards her left. With a quick feign, I managed to catch her off guard and knock her down with the flat of my blade. She hit the ground hard, grabbing where the blade hit her shoulder. Wait, was she bleeding? My blood ran cold; I could have sworn I hit her with the flat side!

“Dave-” Rose started, but my ears were ringing. My vision blurred as I fell back, needing to get away from Rose before I hurt her even more. Hurt Rose? Fuck, I hurt Rose.

I kept stepping back. I couldn’t breathe. I had to see if she was okay but I also had to get away. Far away. She took her hand off her arm and it was covered in blood. My vision went red.

“Dave-“

My next step back sent me spiraling off the side of the apartment building. Apartment building? What happened to--

“Dave!” The top of the roof was growing smaller as the concrete ground raced up to meet me, but I wasn’t registering the problem. Death? Was that really the problem? I found myself wondering if this was just. Is it a problem if it’s a just death?

\---

“Dave!”

I lurched forward after hitting the ground. No, wait, I was in a car. It wasn’t moving, and I wasn’t driving.

“ _Dave_!”

Rose was reaching toward me, but I flinched away. She couldn’t come near me, I hurt her, I hurt her and I thought I got away but she was here again and I would hurt her again and –

“Dave. It was a dream. Look at me, it was a dream.”

My breathing was out of control. It felt like my lungs were collapsing.

Rose’s hand found its way to my chest and she kept it there, even as I tried to pull away. She grabbed one of my hands and placed it on her own chest. “Breathe with me, Dave. Breathe with me.”

It took a few minutes, but I eventually managed to match my sporadic breaths with her slow and even ones. God, I was so fucking lucky to have her. I complained about her intrusive psycho-babble constantly, but the truth was: she kept me from going completely off the edge. Sure, I was precariously balanced on the edge, but I hadn’t fallen. Yet.

Which was why it was so fucking unfair I didn’t tell her _why_ I was so fucked up.

And I could tell she wanted to know. She had that same look on her face she always got when I was having an episode. Her nose was scrunched and her eyebrows furrowed. “ _What are you so afraid of_?” Is what she wanted to ask. The answer wouldn’t make sense to her, even if I told the truth.

I think I was afraid of myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next dave chap wont be this brooding hopefully lmao  
> thank you for the kudos and comments--they are very much appreciated!  
> \--you can contact me on here or on my tumblr [www.wirtings.tumblr.com]--  
> [chapter title from repetition by purity ring]


	3. You Thought The Lions Were Bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chap is a tad late ;0;

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] at 9:46 --

TT: Thank you.  
GA: What  
TT: For the warning you gave us. Have you already forgotten your shining moment of chivalry?  
GA: I Did Not Forget  
GA: I Just Did Not Think It Required Gratitude  
GA: To Be Fair I Did Not Really Want To Warn You But I Did  
GA: So You Are Welcome  
TT: I’m certainly glad you found it within yourself to help us.  
GA: I Have Not Decided Whether Or Not I Am Glad I Helped  
GA: You Are Not Exactly In Our Good Graces  
TT: What do you mean? I am not aware of an instance in our last exchange that would cause you to feel volatile towards me or my brother.  
TT: Wait, did you speak to Dave?  
GA: No  
TT: Oh, thank God.  
GA: But My Companion Did  
GA: Before You Ask That Is Not The Reason I Was Hesitant To Help  
TT: Then would you care to elaborate?  
GA: Yes  
TT: Go on.  
GA: Yes As In I Do Care And I Dont Plan On Explaining Myself  
TT: Are you always this snarky and obtuse?  
TT: First, you refuse to even share your name, and now you cannot even compel yourself to share as to why my brother and I fall in you and your companion’s bad graces.  
GA: I Did Not Realize I Was Being Particularly “Snarky”  
GA: Did You Consider That Maybe I Do Not Share My Personal Information Because I Do Not Trust You  
TT: And am I supposed to trust you?  
GA: Yes  
TT: Well, I’m sold.  
TT: Where are you anyway? You said you escaped the lab, but what about afterward?  
GA: I Am Unfamiliar With This Area So I Cannot Say For Sure  
GA: But I Believe We Drove For Thirty Miles Until Out Car Broke Down A Little While Ago  
GA: Now We Are Stuck In The Middle Of Nowhere  
TT: Did you take the highway?  
GA: Yes I Think So  
TT: Then we might cross paths. We are refueling and gathering supplies right now, but I’ll look out for you on the road.  
GA: We Dont Need Your Help  
TT: We shall see about that. Technically, we owe you, however begrudgingly you assisted us. Just accept this simple act of gratitude. You can even take this as an opportunity to trust us!  
GA: …  
GA: Fine

\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 10:42 -- 

I closed the laptop and set it aside me on the hood of the car so it could charge properly. All the goddess of luck and fortune smiled down upon us when I remembered I had a solar-powered hub generator in the trunk of my car. All it could do in our case was charge our phones and my laptop or jumpstart the car’s battery if need be, but still. I was counting every little thing as a win, with all the losing we’ve had lately.

Dave was busy siphoning gas from the abandoned cars in the gas station parking lot. There was some gas in the station’s tanks, but he couldn’t figure out how to retrieve it safely without electricity to power the pumps. I didn’t want to think about what happened to the owners of the abandoned vehicles; we hadn’t run into any infected persons, but I figured they had to be around nearby. So I stood watch as Dave continued his grueling labor.

My brother seemed completely recovered from his panic in the car, but that did not stop me from worrying. I was used to his fragile mentality; however, it frightened me how bad it was getting, especially when it had seemed to be improving. When he first arrived in New York, he was scatter-brained and jumpy. He didn’t speak or even eat much at all. I safely assumed it was a typical reaction to the loss of a guardian, but as weeks and months dragged on, I began to speculate there was something else there.

But I felt like the only one who did. He hid it perfectly in front of most people. The teachers at school didn’t bat an eye. Even Mother hadn’t seemed particularly worried, but in her defense, it was hard to be worried when you’re, at best, tipsy twenty-four seven. Actually, that was one of the only positives to the outbreak: Mother had to sober up in order to function at the lab where her genius was needed. Of course, she eventually had to stay at the lab for prolonged periods of time so I did not get to fully appreciate her sobriety. And then…

I sighed. Lack of sleep, overwhelming stress, my own mental pitfalls—they were all taking quite a toll on me.

Dave managed to fill our tank and an extra gasoline container completely, placing the latter in our trunk, making sure that it was secure and wouldn’t fall over and spill.

“Ready?” He asked me. His pale forehead glistened with sweat that dripped down behind the opaque walls of his black aviators.

“As ready as I’ll ever have the misfortune to be,” I replied, brandishing my weaponized knitting needles. I should have probably looked for something more conventional, but the needles felt natural in my hands, and I was hesitant to part with them.

We made our move towards the gas station itself. We were in sore need of food and basic supplies; my meager supply pack only had a few rations and toiletries. It looked like we could be on the road for a while, especially if we couldn’t find Mother.

Dave banged on the glass door entrance in order to draw out any remaining infected. We waited through a minute of silence with baited breath, and then pushed into the store front. There was no familiar hum of the freezers or fans, no clerks lounging on the counter selling alcohol to underage kids. I was starting to accept that the world was dead, but that didn’t make it less eerie.

It was Dave’s turn to stand guard as I browsed the gas station’s meager remaining wares. The freezers were ravaged; all that remained were a few long-gone flat beers and sodas. Without electricity to power the freezers, I didn’t bother count the jugs of milk still in them. The food situation was not much better. There were only canned soups and nuts, along with some few packets of dried meats. I grimaced as I filled our bags. Beggars can’t be choosers, but that did not mean I had to be happy about it.

All the while, I was contemplated what Dave said earlier in the car. It had been consuming my thoughts ever since. He claimed that by going downstairs this morning—by obeying that imprudent, nonsensical feeling I had—I saved both of our lives. When he said that, something clicked. I couldn’t explain it, and I felt foolish for not figuring it out before. I still wasn’t one-hundred percent confident in my hypothesis; if you could even it call it that. But I had no idea how to test it; I had to wait for the opportunity, if it would ever come again.

As I stuffed the last can I could fit into one of the bags, I heard a thud come from the employee bathroom. Dave heard it too; he left his lookout position near the checkout and made his way towards me in the back. I placed the bag down and raised my knitting needles ahead of me, ready to strike if need be. Dave tried the door handle, but it was locked. He signaled for me to put my ear muffs on before banging harshly on the wooden door. Yet, no shriek sounded.

Dave did the next rational thing and broke the handle straight off the door with a thrust of the butt of his sword. I winced at the earsplitting ring that sounded. An ominous wave of misgiving washed over me, then was gone in an instant. I hoped that had nothing to do with my afore mentioned ‘not-really-a-hypothesis’.

Dave’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion at whatever he saw as he swung open the door.

A boy appearing to be our age stood shaking and wielding a cheap hammer, presumably one he found in the store. His skin was dark brown and he wore navy basketball shorts and a blue shirt. His wild hair that stuck out in curled tufts was also dark brown, and he had crystal blue eyes that pleasantly contrasted all those dark features. Dashing looks aside, he was a silly sight to behold—rectangular-framed glasses askew, legs trembling, mouth stained blue (I’m sure there was an explanation, but I couldn’t stop myself from thinking, after observing his all-around monochromatic attire, the kid had a blue fetish. Dave would have more than a few comments on that conclusion).

“Why is your mouth blue, dude?” Dave asked, getting right to the important things.

“Ignore my brother. (“Hey—“) I am sorry if we frightened you; that was not our intention,” I interjected.

The boy blinked. “Uh—that’s okay. I’m just glad you weren’t crawlers.”

“Crawlers? If you are referring to the infected, I am not sure I am familiar with that particular term,” I replied.

He shrugged. “Yeah, I dunno. That’s just what me and my dad call them.”

“I kinda like it,” Dave mused.

“So is that why you locked yourself in the bathroom? You were hiding from the infected—er, crawlers?” I pressed.

The boy nodded, wide-eyed. “There were a whole bunch of them! My dad told me to wait in here while he got them away somehow but…” The boy looked down, and my heart panged with sympathy. “He didn’t come back to get me. I was too afraid to leave, because for a while I could still hear them. I had to use my fingers to block my ears but they are still kinda ringing.” He looked at us, his eyes pleading. “Do you have food? All I’ve had for two days are blue raspberry Gushers and bottled water. Which, Mr. Shades, is why my mouth is blue.” He stuck out his tongue at Dave, who scoffed.

“The name is Dave Strider.”

“And mine is John!”

“And my name is Rose, although I don’t understand why you took Gushers out of all the nuts or basically any other food that could have provided actual proteins.”

John frowned. “I didn’t exactly have time to think ahead. Before we got overtaken by the crawlers, I had stuffed my pockets with Gushers, just because I liked them,” his frown deepened as he held his stomach as if he were going to be sick, “But I think I'm sick of them now. Besides, I’m allergic to nuts.”

“Well, you’re in luck. I just scavenged all the remaining beef jerky and chicken noodle soups left on the shelf. Now, I believe we should take our leave soon. I do not like the idea that there was a large crowd of infected here just two days ago. Will you be joining us, John?” I wasn’t sure why I offered. It would be hard enough to keep myself and Dave alive, but a third party member? Perhaps it was instinctual—if something good came out of this, I would be one step forward on proving my hypothesis. My hypothesis, which I still didn’t quite understand myself, nor could I explain it. Yet.

“I would like to, don’t get me wrong, but I need to find my dad.”

Dave and I shared private, knowing looks. He might have hid behind his aviators at all times, but we’d learned to read each other’s faces rather well, despite.

To my surprise, it was Dave who answered. “Rose and I are looking for our mom, so I don’t see why we can’t look for your dad, too. It’s only been two days, so he can’t have been gone that long.”

There were many reasons why it was a bad idea, most of them being that John’s father was probably dead, but hearing Dave say ‘ _our_ mom’ forced me to bite my tongue behind a half-hidden smile.

John’s face lit up. “Really?”

“Sure, dude,” Dave shrugged.

“Now we really should-“ But before I could finish my now-useless suggestion, a crawler (Eh, still not sure how I feel about that term. Do they even crawl?) scream echoed from outside. Dave looked at me, blonde eyebrows raised in utter bewilderment.

“I hadn’t seen any while I was on watch outside,” I whispered, ducking behind a shelf as Dave and John took my lead. We were crouched behind the barren candy aisle, able to peer through the manufactured holes in the shelf to see outside. There were no crawlers (Sigh.) in sight.

“Some static ones must have heard me bang the shit out of the door,” Dave hissed, “Now that I think about it that was a really stupid thing to do.”

Oh. “Don’t blame yourself,” I muttered. Was that… Did I really…?

When Dave initially slammed the handle off the door, I had a twinge of bad feeling. And now, this happened. So if what I’d been observing is correct, all of these new, sharp feelings I’d been having lately were… premonitions? It sounded absolutely convoluted. Hell, if I had my extensive library with me, I could find about twenty books that would write me off with several neurotic disorders just for coming to that conclusion, and coming to that conclusion _seriously_. I needed more evidence aside from: 1. Going downstairs kept me and Dave from dying and 2. Knowing that Dave breaking the handle would lead to something going wrong. The John situation was still up in the air, so I didn’t count that.

God, now that I thought about it, I had barely any substantial proof that my feelings (Ideas? I needed a better word for what I was experiencing) were psychic in nature. But that conclusion felt so _right_ , and the feelings were just so _strong_. I couldn’t ignore what was happening within me. I felt different. This _was_ different.

“Hey, earth to Rose? We kinda have a situation in case you forgot,” Dave whispered, wrenching me out of my spiraling thought process.

“Yes, sorry. We need to figure out where the infect—crawler or crawlers are.”

“Already ahead of you.” He pointed through one of the holes that allowed for one to see through one of the store windows. Across the street, two crawlers (I gave in, okay.) twitched without pattern, walking haphazardly in our direction. I nodded, and placed my ear muffs over my ears. Dave did the same with his headphones, and John stuffed his ears with some toilette paper from the bathroom. If he was going to continue on with us, we were going to have to find the kid some sort of ear protection.

I knew Dave would have no physical problem taking down the crawlers. He was the most qualified out of the three of us, hands down. He had the best weapon and the expert skills. But after the incident in the car, I was worried he wasn’t stable enough. Yet, I saw no other option.

He led the way out of the store. There was no use in hiding; if there were just two of them, we’d be fine. I clutched my needles and let John hold the supply bags. I trusted him not to take off (The ‘John is good for us’ sense still lingered) and I wasn’t sure how capable he was with the hammer. I, myself, only had experience with rifles, thanks to my mother’s insistent lessons when I was a child, and thanks to Dave’s reluctance to teach me the ways of the blade. Still, I felt better putting myself in an offensive position rather than John.

When the crawlers noticed our arrival, they let out ear-piercing screams and began to shuffle towards us. One was missing an arm, the other, a shirt. Dave approached them, his face set and grim. His katana gleamed in the sunlight as he swung it up and across, dispatching the head of the armless crawler. I distracted the shirtless one by sneaking behind it and clicking my needles together. That gave Dave enough time to turn around and behead that one, too.

Finished, he wiped the blood off the katana in the grass. John stood gaping.

“That was awesome!” he gushed, running up to Dave. But my brother didn’t look at him, and instead stared at the sickly black blood in the grass.

“How did you learn to use a sword?” John continued. He was practically jumping up and down.

“It’s a katana,” was all Dave said before walking to the car and shutting himself inside at the passenger seat. John looked at me, crestfallen.

“Don’t mind Dave,” I said, “It’s been an excruciating day. He’s tired. And so am I. Come on, we need to get back on the road.”

I led John back to the car. He took his place in the back seat and I took mine at the wheel. Because of our indirect route, it would still take a while to get to the lab. If we met up with our mysterious messaging partners, that would be more time delayed. We had to be smart about this. Every minute that passed was another minute closer to never seeing our mother again. Shit, and now John’s dad.

I sighed and turned the key in the ignition. I wasn’t sure if even prophetic intuition could help us now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was fun to write hehe. thanks for all your responsiveness to this work! please to dont hesitate to leave comments or contact me at my tumblr [url wirtings]  
> [chapter title from daniel in the den by bastille]


	4. The Clock Just Makes the Colors Turn to Grey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alternatively titled: in which ingrid cant seem to stop using italics or writing mental breakdowns  
> i wrote this hastily so there will probably be errors. please point them out to me [kindly]!  
> posting this early since the last one was late. updates from now on will not be set in stone, more random. but they shouldnt take longer than a week! [maybe a little more but not much]

Thanks to John, this time the car ride went much smoother. And by smoother, I mean his endless yet endearing babble about his favorite movies that he and his dad would watch all the time easily distracted both Rose and me from our darker thoughts. Okay, it wasn’t _easy_ , per say. But definitely _easier_.

My main goal was to not think about the blood. The blood of the people I killed. No, not people—zombies. Crawlers. Dead bodies way past their expiration date. I kept telling myself that, that the killing was necessary and didn’t mean anything morally. But the thought of the blood on my hands, dried in my hair, _everywhere_ , staining _everything_ kept coming back. So I concentrated on the road ahead, and John fangirling over Nic Cage in the backseat.

“Okay, but you can’t say Cage isn’t the best actor EVER if you haven’t seen Con Air,” exclaimed John from the backseat.

“Dude, Con Air is literally one of the shittiest movies out there,” I responded. I watched in the rearview mirror as John clutched his chest.

“Blasphemy!” He gasped, ever the drama queen. I snorted.

“Dave, leave John alone. I did not find Con Air to be that unappealing,” reasoned Rose, ever the mediator.

And I, ever the _I don’t really give a shit_ , decided to check out of that conversation. It was nice to just sit back and watch the country side fly by as we zoomed down the barren highway. Every now and then we would pass abandoned or wrecked cars, sometimes even stray crawlers. We had originally driven a ways away from the lab, so it was taking a while to backtrack. Luckily Rose was a nerd and had almost the entire state of New York mapped out in her head. She knew every highway and major country roads in the area. It was only a matter of time before we reached the lab and whatever awaits us there.

Though John seemed contented with his new predicament, I couldn’t help but notice him frequently looking out the window and scanning the surroundings. It didn’t take me long to realize he was looking for his dad. I hoped he wasn’t doing so in vain.

“How much farther is the lab?” I asked Rose.

“A little while more. I’m taking a more round-about way than needed in order to cover more ground incase our mom or John’s dad are in the area. And I wanted—“ But she stopped, as if she decided not to mention that last part.

“Hey, don’t hold anything back now. What’s up?”

“Oh, it’s nothing. Trust me, everything is fine. This is exactly where we need to go.” She ran a hand through her wavy white blonde hair like she tended to do when she was anxious.

I threw my hands up in feigned surrender. “I wasn’t debating our route. Just makin’ sure everything is good.”

“It’s fine,” she repeated, this time a little more on edge. I decided to drop it. I’d find out later when John wasn’t around.

I was having a hard time not checking my phone every few minutes. The short conversation I exchanged with Karkat spoiled me. I missed the Internet. I missed trolling Youtube commenters; I missed sending Rose lude yet rare Pepes; God, I even missed Snapchat and all the embarrassing opportunities it offered. So the idea of having some random stranger to talk to was…strangely endearing. But I had received no further messages at this point. Instead, I had an idea.

“Hey, John?” I asked, interrupting whatever bullshit he was currently spewing about Nic Cage in The Patriot.

He pushed his blue-framed glasses farther up his nose. “Yeah?”

“You have a phone?”

“Uh, yeah, but… I thought all the cell towers and stuff were down.

I nodded. “They are. But Rose and I have some pretty rad tech that doesn’t play by those rules. We can probably download the program onto your phone from Rose’s laptop. It’s a chat client her mom made called ‘Pesterchum.’ That way we can all contact each other in case we get separated.”

“Okay, sure,” John said, though he looked rather uncertain. He slid an iPhone (with a blue case, Jesus fucking Christ) out of his back pocket and handed it over. I spent the next few minutes linking the two devices together and running the code on John’s phone. I had a knack for this kind of stuff. It was one skill of mine that I didn’t completely despise.

Unfortunately, the task required all my attention, so I didn’t notice the car in the middle of the road until Rose and John started yelling.

It looked abandoned, just sitting horizontally in front of us on the road. Rose slammed on the brakes, but I knew it was too late. Time seemed to slow and stretch between us and the old SUV. I glanced over at Rose, whose face taught with tension and fear. I instinctively threw my arm out in front of her, as if that would do anything to protect her.

That’s when I realized I was still moving at normal speed while the world around me spun in slow-mo.

It was almost dream-like. I pinched myself a few times, looked in the review mirror, counted to ten on my fingers; I did everything Rose told me to do if I couldn’t tell dreams from reality. And reality never felt more real than it did in this moment.

I dropped all my worrying and bullshit and stepped into the zone. Everything was instinct, like I was in a fight. I unbuckled my seatbelt and yanked the car door open. I zipped around the front of the vehicle and opened the driver’s door before unbuckling Rose and pulling her stiff body out the car. She was still in a sitting position as I sat her down on the road at a safe distance, her hands still closed around a non-present steering wheel. I couldn’t tell what was happening anymore. My brain was beginning to pound against my skull, leaving me in pain and disoriented. Was it the world that slowed down or me that sped up? What if I was stuck like this forever?

I shook those thoughts out. The collision was getting closer, and John was still in the Goddamn car. I repeated the same thing I did for Rose, and since I had the spare time, I saved out supplies and tech in case the wreck caused a fire.

The pain in my head was constant and getting worse. It almost felt as if I were holding on to something to heavy, but with my brain? I don’t fucking know. All I knew was that it hurt so bad my vision was fading. So I let go.

The world came flying into place. Rose’s car slammed into the SUV with a crash loud enough to wake the dead. _Fuck_. John and Rose both collapsed where they were sitting on the road. My vision cleared and the pain in my head receded. I was back in real-time.

“What the fuck just happened?” John exclaimed, rubbing the back of his head where it hit the concrete.

“I believed you just voiced all of our thoughts,” Rose grumbled.

John stood up shakily. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m glad we’re alive, but _what the fuck_?”

“You regret joining us yet?” I replied, letting out a hollow laugh.

He shook his head, black curls bouncing. “No, I just— _fuck_.”

I turned around to look at Rose but she was already gone, walking toward the wreck. I then had a horrible thought. What if there was someone in the SUV? I didn’t even think to check. I scrambled to my feet and ran after Rose to see for myself.

The vehicles were smoking, and Rose had already pried a door open to the SUV when I got there. She was holding two articles of clothing in her hands.

“Was there anyone in there?” I asked.

She just shook her head and held up the clothes. “But there was. At one point.”

In one hand was what was once probably a very nice hat, the kind older men wear on business trips or those especially nice casinos. But now it was ratted and dirty and covered with what could only be blood. Rose’s attention was focused more on the other item—a faded pink silk scarf, also the victim of grime and muck. I knew that scarf well; it was our mother’s favorite. She would only wear it when she was drunk. I didn’t realize she had taken it with her to the lab.

“It was tied to the wheel,” Rose said, breaking the silence. I expected her to be upset, but instead she had an excited tint to her tone. “She did this on purpose, Dave. She was hoping we’d find it and know she’s alive. Dave, she’s _ALIVE_.”

“Woah, there.” I placed my hands on my sister’s shoulders to steady her. “We don’t know anything right now. And as much as I want to believe she’s alive, we can’t get our hopes up, okay?”

But she wasn’t listening. Her violet eyes were filled with an unnatural gleam that matched the unnatural color. “You don’t understand, Dave. I know she’s alive. I can _feel_ that she’s alive. Every fiber of my being is screaming out to me that she’s alive. She’s alive and I can find her, now that I have this.” She pressed the scarf to her chest and closed her eyes. I was certain she was in shock and about to blackout, so I led her back to where John was pacing back and forth.

“You’re gonna burn a hole in the ground,” I told him. But his attention was elsewhere.

“Where did you get that?” He was pointing to the hat in Rose’s hand. She must have forgotten she took it in the excitement of finding Mom’s scarf.

“It was in the SUV,” she said, placing the hat in John’s outstretched hand.

The boy gaped, blue eyes wide. “This is my dad’s.”

“Your dad’s?” Rose and I voiced at the same time.

“Why were our parents together?” Rose asked, not expecting an answer. She seemed to be collecting herself after the initial shock of the wreck and the scarf. Back to Analytical Rose(TM) in no time flat.

John shrugged and I cracked my knuckles. “Dunno but it makes our lives a hell of a lot easier,” I said.

I could practically see Rose trying to put the puzzle pieces together in her head. “It’s bad enough the story we were told by our mysterious messengers was not making much sense within the timeline I was trying to piece together, and now this? There are too many variables. How am I supposed to predict—er, guess where Mother will be next if I can’t understand where she was in the past?”

“Rose. Slow down. Timelines, variables, predictions? This isn’t rocket science. We got a clue. We know they were in the area. Now we can narrow down our search,” I reasoned.

If I didn’t know her well I would have thought Rose was about to cry. “No, _listen_ , Dave. Our informants claimed they escaped the lab in car. They are still in the area but their car broke down. We have seen neither hair nor trace of my mother and it appears she had time find John’s father, find a working vehicle, _abandon_ that vehicle, take off on foot, and be nowhere in sight by the time we find the SUV?”

I threw my hands up in frustration and tried not to think about how she said ‘my mother.’ “What are you trying to say? Mom left before Karkat and his friend, what was her name, Cantaloupe? What the fuck does that matter?”

“It matters because Mother left before she had to. She left her computer, her singular most prized possession, before she had to. She left _us_ before she had to. And you know what?” Rose was gripping the silk scarf in her hands, her eyes shut as she continued. “ _I fucking fell for it_.” The scarf tore in half with a heart breaking _riiiiiip_. “Emotionless, analytical, Ms. Brilliance Rose Lalonde let herself feel something for someone. How hilarious! Even my own mother decided to join in on the fun. Not that she ever gave a shit about me in the first place.” The scarf pieces fluttered to ground as Rose stomped away down the highway in the direction we were originally going before the wreck.

“She was my mom, too, Rose! Goddammit, wait!” I grabbed the bags of supplies and instructed John to carry the tech. We chased after Rose, and it didn’t take long to catch up with her. “Rose, wait—“

Her glare hit me like a slap. It was stormy and violent, with the violet irises swirling and the whites of her eyes almost glowing. “Shut up. I am not exactly in the mood.”

“We are all going through shit right now, Rose. Get over yourself.” It hurt me to say the words, but they needed to be said. We were on the border of completely screwed and almost victorious. We could tip either way.

Rose just scoffed. “What? Are you angry you cannot be the center of attention now that the world has gone off the deep end? Sad you aren’t the number one Most Fucked Up? Get over _yourself_ , David.”

My fists clenched. Rose and I had never fought like this before. It was awful. I hadn’t felt like this since… God, no. Rose wasn’t _him_. She was just angry. Ha, even her anger was rational, even if she handled it a little less than rationally.

So I decided not to honor her retort with a reply. I didn’t want to start an enraged tennis match, especially since I would probably lose. Instead, our sad group trudged on in silence. Rose still led, but only because I had no idea where the fuck we were. I could only hope Rose was still in a well-enough state of mind to navigate. Unfortunately, this left me alone with my thoughts.

I had to quote John. What the fuck happened back there? Did I really… slow down time? On accident?? I wanted to chalk it off to adrenaline or something but there was no way I managed to do all of that solely because of an adrenaline rush. Should I really have been questioning it? The dead were walking and killing but I couldn’t believe I nearly froze time. Did it have something to do with the mutation? I reached up and touched my aviators absentmindedly. I couldn’t imagine a different explanation.

And so we walked. And walked. And walked.

It was overcast, as it usually was, and the fall weather provided a nice chill, so at least we didn’t have to worry about dying of heat stroke out here. I kept my eyes and ears out for crawlers. I found it odd none had arrived at the sound of the car crash, but I guessed there were none in the area at the time. Add that to our short list of luck-outs. It was a while before we saw another car, or another anything for that matter. It was all just country side and highway. So the car on the horizon easily captured my attention.

As did the two figures walking near it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im gonna start indicating the POV in the chapter summary!  
> anyway, i hope you guys liked this chapter, bc im pretty excited for it! we are starting to see the beginnings of actual plot strands!!11!!!1 [it only took four chapters lmaO]  
> the next chapter will be...different, i think. not 100% sure yet.  
> keep those comments and kudos coming, folks. they are essentially a writers gasoline. [a special thanks to those who have already done so <33]  
> another heads up--i changed my tumblr URL to lilithstarlight in honor of homestuck vol. 10! if you havent listened to it yet, please do.  
> [chapter title from Golden Days by Panic! At the Disco]


	5. I Kept Running for a Soft Place to Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kanaya POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait everyone ive just been super busy :0  
> so heres something short and new to change it up. i might do more of these 'other' POVs if yall like em, but for the most part it will stay dave and rose. thanks for being patient!  
> [song is my current fave: runaway by aurora]

The air might have been cool thanks to New York’s fall weather, but that did not stop the sun from beaming down on our backs as we stood stranded in the middle of the road. The cracked concrete acted as a mirror, reflecting the sun’s harsh rays back at us. I stood under a tree off the side of the road, trying to seek shelter from the sun, but my skin still itched. It was getting worse.

Karkat was still bent over the front of the car. Sweat dripped down his head and down his back, but he worked relentlessly at the engine. I tried telling him he did not have the mechanical knowledge needed to fix the engine but Karkat, stubborn as ever, kept trying. I would have tried to help him but even if the sun wasn’t blaring, my attention was held elsewhere.

The Lalonde laptop.

It appeared to be a normal mobile computer: a Mac Book Air tucked in a hot pink gel cover and coated with cat stickers. Okay, maybe not normal for a grown woman, but not exactly suspicious either. But the information and data contained within the laptop was worth everything it took to get it. All the research that went on within the Skaia Laboratory went through this device. Unfortunately, most of the files were under high security, and neither Karkat nor I were talented in coding. Still, I was able to uncover Lalonde’s more personal information. Apparently, she didn’t find that her family needed as much protection as her scientific files. Color me surprised.

Maybe I should have felt guilty for snooping around in Dr. Lalonde’s personal life, but after everything I had been through, I was finding it hard to feel guilty. I was currently reading a conversation between Lalonde and her ex-husband. From the time stamps, I believed it took place right before David Strider left Texas for New York.

\-- tipsyIntellectual[TI] timaeusJustified [TJ] at 13:25 --

TI: so  
TJ: So what?  
TI: what is ur finale answer  
TI: final*  
TJ: I thought I already agreed.  
TI: well nothing u say is clear 2 wat u r actwoaly tryin say so I can nevr b sure  
TJ: Okay. Are we done here?  
TI: y r u budy  
TI: busty* BUSY* lamo  
TJ: Yes, actually.   
TI: wowo srry I forgot u were a busty business man  
TI: gota make sure those puppit bots r doin their thang rite  
TJ: I’ll talk to you before we leave the airport.

\-- timaeusJustified [TJ] ceased pestering tipsyIntellectual [TI] at 23:33 --

Reading through the doctor’s logs was painstaking. There were so many of them, and only a small fraction were actually important. And _all_ of them contained hardly legible drunk messages. Still, what little insight I managed to glean about her personal life, especially her twin children, was worth the excruciating search. In fact, though I was wary of the girl and her brother, Rose’s proposition to meet up might actually be beneficial. If anyone could reach the more sensitive files within the doctor’s laptop, it would be her children. 

The problem was, I had to convince them to help me.

”Are you sure you don’t want to sit inside the car?” Karkat called over to me, his head still underneath the hood of the car.

”And smother to death? No, thank you.” I may have been uncomfortable exposed to the sun, but I wasn’t ready to fry a couple million brain cells inside the broken car. 

”Whatever.” 

When I glanced back down to the computer screen, there was a new message alert. Unsurprisingly, the message was from Rose. I hadn’t tried to contact Dave yet. He seemed… I don’t know. I just left him to Karkat. I felt as if I could make more progress with Rose.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] at 13:17 --

TT: hello!! kanaya, right?  
GA: How Do You Know My Name  
GA: I Specifically Avoided Releasing That Bit Of Information  
TT: uhh i dunno that’s just what dave said!  
GA: Goddammit Karkat  
TT: anyway… hi! my name is john and i was just messaging you to ask if that’s you and karkat parked on the road ahead of us?  
GA: Where Is Rose  
TT: she’s uh… busy. dave and i are carrying all the tech stuff so i'm messaging you from rose’s computer. we are still trying to download this chat client onto my phone!  
GA: I Know Nothing About A John  
GA: And I Dont Think Rose Ever Mentioned You  
GA: I Am Beginning To Think This Is Actually Rose And I Am Being Pranked  
GA: That Seems Like Something Rose Would Do She Appears To Be Very Clever And Sneaky  
TT: i can’t speak for rose but i love pranks :D !! and you wouldn’t know about me because i only just met rose and dave. they are very nice and are going to help me find my dad and also their mom.  
GA: I See  
TT: so yeah can you check down the highway and see if you can see three people walking towards you? we are still kinda far but you should be able to see us because we can see you. unless you are blind or something then in that case i’m sorry for assuming you can see!!  
GA: Yes I Think I See You  
TT: okay awesome!! talk to you in a bit!

  


\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] at 13:24 --

I closed the app and Lalonde’s files, then shut down the laptop. I placed it back into the backpack I found in the trunk of the car. That we stole. I tried not to think about all the theft we’ve committed lately. We had our entire lives stolen from us, so it was only fair we pay our equal respects.

“Karkat!”

“Yeah?” He stayed under the hood of the car.

“I believe our new friends are approaching. Look.” I pointed to the three figures glistening like mirages under the sun in the distance.

Apparently curious enough to abandon his futile mission, Karkat finally looked up to see where I was pointing. His tanned face was covered in oil and dirt, and his naturally messy black hair was… a disaster. We were told his father was Mexican and his mother was Italian. It was one of the few things the scientists at Skaia told us that were actually easy to believe. He stretched out his slim figure and shrugged. 

“So? What do we do?”

I shrugged back. “We can’t exactly interrogate them about the files right off the bat. We need to assimilate within their ranks first.”

“ _Assimilate_? I don’t see why we can’t straight up tell these fuckers to do what we want. They don’t deserve our hospitality,” he grumbled, attempting to wipe grime of his eye only to have it smear down his face. I wasn’t in the mood for his perpetually aggravated and rasped tone. The sun was really starting to get to me, and I was anxious at the thought of meeting Rose in person. I mean, I felt like I knew her through her mother. I’ve seen pictures, read correspondences, and watched videos. But to her, I was still a stranger. Someone she could still learn to hate.

I think that’s what bothered me the most. I had every reason to hate her just because of who her mother was, and what she got and I didn’t because of it. So why didn’t I?

”I’ve told you several times, Karkat,” I sighed, “I don’t think they are malicious. I don’t think they even know what was going on.”

”How the fuck could they not? They lived with the goddamn mastermind behind everything. _They are the walking by-products of what Skaia was trying to achieve_. Fuck, they were the poster children for Skaia. They bathed in water payed for with money gained in Skaia’s ‘research’. They—“

”Okay, enough. I understand your points, and they are valid. But we can’t crucify Lalonde’s children when they could be victims just as well as we are.”

“Victims? Are you hearing yourself? Or are you too far up Lalonde’s mutant’s ass to realize the shit that’s coming out of your own mouth? You can barely stand in the shade without getting a rash on every patch of exposed skin. And it’s getting worse! Remember when the sun would just make your eyes hurt? That was only a few weeks ago! Most foods make you sick now, and the only liquid you can drink is water. I haven’t noticed anything wrong with me but that doesn’t take away from the fact that I’ve known nothing but a cold white laboratory my entire fucking life, and it’s the same for you. The Lalonde kids went to school, Kanaya. _With other actual teenagers!_ And all they had to worry about was fruity colored eyes and pale skin and hair. So you know what, _fuck them_!”

God, did I hate it when he got like this. And because of his volatile personality, he was often like this. His limbs were visibly shaking with rage while his chest rose and fell at a rapid pace.

”Just because there doesn’t appear to be anything wrong with them doesn’t mean there isn’t or won’t be. Look at me! I didn’t start showing symptoms until last month, and we’ve both been tested on since toddlers. Whatever they do at Skaia, its effect is gradual. Please, Karkat; let’s just take a few days to assess the situation before we do anything rash. Besides,” I offered with a slight smirk, “I thought you didn’t mind Rose’s brother after your conversation with him.” 

Karkat ran a hand through his hair, which did nothing to fix it, but did seem to visibly calm him down. “Fine. Whatever. But if they take one step out of line. That’s it. We are getting the information we need then getting the fuck away from them.” He slammed the hood of the car back down a little harder than necessary and wiped his palms on his faded jeans. “And for your information,” he continued, “Just because I liked talking to someone who isn’t you or a middle aged person in a lab coat doesn’t make them a good person worthy of my good graces.”

I rolled my eyes, but didn’t respond. I was too busy enjoying yet another victory against the dreaded Karkat Tantrums™. 

The Lalondes plus the new boy, John, were within ear shot by now, if you talked loud enough. It was odd seeing them in person, rather than in photograph. In real life, I saw how Dave walked with a hunch, as if preparing for an attack. I saw how Rose was all sharp edges except for her soft, wavy white hair. How she moved with nothing but purpose. Now John… He was almost comical to look at as he practically skipped with a goofy grin on his face next to two of the most solemn teenagers I had ever seen. Albeit, I had not been exposed to many teenagers in my life. Unless you count the ones on Karkat’s romantic comedy movies he made the doctors supply him with.

”Hiya!” John called out. He was waving at us, too.

”There is no fucking way anyone is that genuinely naïve enough to be happy to meet strangers,” mumbled Karkat, who voiced my own thoughts exactly. 

Not knowing what else to do but stand there awkwardly, I raised hand in greeting. This made John smile even wider, but the twins didn’t even react. If anything, the frown on Rose’s face got deeper. Which confused me? Wasn’t she the one who insisted on meeting in the first place? The only reason I ended up agreeing was because of the possibility of completely unlocking the Lalonde Top.

As their group finally met up with us, Dave and John rooted themselves near Karkat and the car, while Rose made her way to my tree. The look on her face made me rather uneasy as she walked up to me. When close enough, she reached out and pressed what appeared to be a knitting needle against my chest, pushing me back against the tree.

”You get one chance,” she seethed, eyes flashing with violet fury, “To tell the truth. I want the complete story, from when you stole the laptop to this exact moment. And don’t even try to alter your story,” she warned. An ominous smirk pulled at her lips. “Because I will be able to tell if you are lying.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please dont be afraid to comment or give kudos! i am but a humble nerd  
> contact me on my tumblr lilithstarlight (yeah i changed my URL in honor of HS VOL 10 lmao)  
> ima try to give yall a lengthy chapter next chapter, but it wont be for over a week bc ima be out of town this week. (like i said, im very busy)  
> thanks again! <3


	6. Just Keep Following The Heartlines On Your Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose POV

“Hey, woah woah woah.” Kanaya’s companion, a scrawny boy that had to be of Latino background, lurched forward like he was going to attack me before Dave stopped him.

“’Woah’ yourself, my dude. Rose, uh, what the fuck?” Dave looked understandably confused as he tried to restrain the boy. The boy, Karkat, I believe Dave called him, wasn’t having any of it.

“Get your hands off me, you fuck,” Karkat shouted, throwing Dave off of him. “Yeah, Kanaya, these kids are champs. Real A-Plus, trustworthy fellows if you ask me.”

“Your name is Kanaya?” I didn’t mean to ask, it just slipped out. For a brief moment, all my anger faded to the background. Kanaya. I felt my face go red. I was taking out anger directed towards my own incompetence towards someone innocent. It was foolish, and I was ashamed I let my rage take over my most valued attribute—rationale. “Forgive me,” I said, taking a step back from Kanaya. Anger-fueled tunnel vision gone, I was able to truly see her for the first time. It was surreal.

She was tall. Almost taller than me, in fact, but I believed we were the same height. She appeared to be Indian, though I was hesitant to assume. She had milky brown skin that reminded me somehow of a sunset on a lake. Her hair was soft and black, cut right under the ears and curling at the ends. And like John, despite her darker features, her eyes were jade green. She was stunning, to be perfectly honest—from her elven-like facial features to her long, piano-player fingers, she could have walked the runway at Paris Fashion Week. That is, if you ignored the apocalypse grime and malnutrition.

I soon realized everyone was waiting for me to continue, or at least explain my aggressive actions. “Ah, I am really truly sorry about that. I was just…” I was grasping for the words. Angry? Definitely. Lost? Yes. Void of all emotions because my mother abandoned me and her life’s work during a deadly disease outbreak? Absolutely.

“You’re a psychopath just like the rest of your family? Got it! Awesome! Let’s go, Kanaya.” Karkat began walking down the road without pause.

Kanaya sighed. “Karkat, wait!” She turned to me, those knowing eyes piercing through my skin. “No, I am sorry. I understand, you are confused. I have not been fair to you. I have withheld information that has only made your situation more stressful.”

I blinked. The last thing I expected was an apology. I didn’t think I deserved one. “What do you mean?”

The girl sighed with the emotion of someone who had experience way too much in too little time. “We did not escape the lab at the same time as your mother. It is a rather long tale so I will give you the basics. I was, am, not feeling well and we knew something disastrous had happened that the lab was responsible for. This turned out to be the disease we see now but we did not know this at the time. So, with some help, we managed to escape the lab prematurely, stealing your mother’s computer on the way out.”

“Oh, so that’s why Mom never messaged us again. She couldn’t without the chat client,” Dave said.

“That does make more sense now. But I don’t understand; why did you have to ‘escape’ the lab if it wasn’t yet infiltrated by the infected? Couldn’t you have just… left?” I asked.

Karkat choked out a laugh. “You’re fucking kidding me right? Don’t act like you didn’t know what was going on in that hell hole you call a lab.”

I frowned. “No, I am not ‘kidding you.’ I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“Rose, we were captives at the lab. And we were not the only ones.” Her voice was soft with pain.

“We were experimented on and treated like goddamn animals. How could you not know? Your mom owned the lab!” argued Karkat, his face red with anger.

“She owned the lab, she wasn’t in charge,” I snapped back, but my heart was pounding. What they were saying… It couldn’t be true, could it? Mother would never let that happen in her lab. But why would they make it up?

“I don’t give a rat’s ass who owned what. Just look at you! There’s no way you went about your lives looking like some fucking anime protagonists and not know that your mother was a piece of shit that worked at a lab that experimented on human beings for fucked up research. This ‘zombie apocalypse?’ Guess what? The Skaia Laboratory is responsible.” Karkat’s hoarse voice got louder with each heart stopping word.

I looked at Dave. He didn’t look confused anymore. He looked terrified. He had one hand on his aviators as he stood, pale and mouth partially open. I couldn’t breathe.

“You’re lying,” I said. It came out like a whisper.

“I thought you could tell if we were lying?” spoke up Kanaya. She didn’t seem angry like Karkat. Instead, she sounded sad, like she pitied us.

But she was right. No matter how much I tried to deny it, that stupid wisp of intuition was there, and I knew it was the truth. The puzzle pieces were in place. Dave and I went under some sort of artificial genetic mutation in the womb that left us with our peculiar features. Could this also be why I suddenly had the divination and intuition abilities of a prophetess or witch? I didn’t have to ask. I knew the answer.

I just couldn’t believe Mother would hide this… this darkness. I didn’t know if she was embarrassed or guilty, and I didn’t really care. My assumptions were right all along. She didn’t give a shit about me or anyone else. Not about morals either. And I thought she was a genius. The woman who would single-handedly find the cure for this wretched disease. Instead, she was one of the ones responsible for starting it.

“So… not to interrupt or anything, ‘cause I dunno what’s going on here, but can we keep looking for my dad? I wanna find him before he gets too far away to track down,” said John.

It took all my self-control to keep my voice steady when I replied. “He’s with my mother, and I have no intention of finding her anymore. You can continue on if you want, but I’m not going. I’m done.”

“Rose—“

“No, Dave. I can’t do this anymore. I’m not chasing after affection I’ll never get from her. I already wasted years on that while she was just wasted.” I laughed; it was a hollow sound. “At least now I know why she drank.”

“Rose, I respect your feelings on that. But we promised we would help John out,” replied Dave. He appeared to have recovered from initial shock.

I knew what I wanted to say. I wanted to say hell no. Fuck no. But the last time I let my anger take control I said horrible things to Dave and almost hurt Kanaya. So I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and concentrated. My new ‘power’ had been infallible so far, even if it hadn’t had much testing. This would be the ultimate test.

Yellow light flashed behind my closed eye lids and filled me with warmth. I heard a woman and a man laughing, a genuine sound. I smelled hot wine and flat beer. I felt better than I had in ages. I wanted to stay like that forever. But I opened my eyes, and was thrown back into reality.

“Okay,” I said eventually, “We keep on. But it’s for John’s father, okay?”

Dave shrugged. “Whatever.”

“Thanks, Rose!” John exclaimed.

“And I suppose we shall join you?” Kanaya inquired.

“Oh, we are so not going hunt down the woman we are trying to get away from,” growled Karkat.

“Face it, Karkat; our car is in a state of disrepair. There is no salvaging it. Besides, we need them, remember?” She motioned towards the bag at her feet.

Karkat seemed to be having a conversation within his mind and ended it with a groan. “Fine! Sure, why not. Let’s sing songs and roast marshmallows while we’re at it. It’ll be fun! I love suffering!”

Kanaya rolled her eyes and smiled apologetically at me. I didn’t respond. I was drained of all emotion.

“Alrighty then,” announced Dave, “Time we get a move on, folks. We low-key wrecked our car back there so there are probably tons of crawlers headed this way. I suggest we find some high ground or maybe even a ranch with a nice farm and house on it to stay the night.”

I vaguely heard Karkat mutter, “Crawlers? What the fuck is a crawler? This guy’s a tool,” before I tuned out everyone else. I focused on the sound of my shoes dragging on the asphalt and the sound of my own beating heart. I don’t think I had ever experience this kind of emotional whiplash. Not even finding out I had a brother could compare to this. That must have been why our parents split. Our father discovered what mother was doing and broke it off, taking Dave away because who gives a shit about Rose, right? Then I suppose our father took out his pent up anger about the situation on Dave. He could try to hide it, but I knew Dave had to have been abused. His symptoms were textbook.

I wondered why our father didn’t tell anyone about Skaia, though. Was he being blackmailed? Was Dave a bargaining chip Mother used to keep Father quiet? It was a mystery for another day. My head ached and all I wanted to do was lay down. I could only hope we would find somewhere to stop before night fall.

///

“Rose?”

I nearly jumped out my skin when Kanaya tapped my shoulder. I had been practically sleepwalking; we had been on the road for hours. Conversation had drifted off before the sun even set, everyone being too tired to use their energy on small talk. Not that I was participating anyway. I hadn’t even noticed I had slipped to the back of the group, well behind Dave and John and even more behind Karkat, who had taken among himself to be the guide. After the sun set, the only sounds to be heard were those of distant infected and our own breathing.

“Yes?” I replied. It was kind of Kanaya to fall back to me, but I still wasn’t in the best of moods.

“I wanted to apologize again for withholding all the information for you. I did not want to scare you away or have you not believe me. I know it must be hard for you to be learning all of this at once, and it was foolish of Karkat and I to assume you and David knew about your mother’s misgivings and—“

“It’s okay, Kanaya, really,” I said, cutting her off the rambling apology. “I sorry you both had to go through all of that. It’s sick.”

“You two were victims, too, Rose. Even if you did not experience it the way Karkat and I did. You have still been affected in a much more personal way.”

“I suppose.”

We walked on in silence for a few more paces. Kanaya looked much more comfortable now that the sun went down. Before, she had to seat covers of their stolen vehicle as a makeshift umbrella to protect her from the sun. Apparently it was some sort of recent side effect from the fucked up experiments at the lab.

“So it is true then?” Kanaya began, “That you and David have not experienced anything other than cosmetic effects from the mutations?”

The question startled me. I wasn’t used to talking about my appearance as something that was caused rather than happened naturally. I never took issue with my strange eyes or snowy hair; they had grown on me, actually. Now, I wasn’t so sure.

“For a while, that was the case,” I said carefully, “But things are changing.”

Kanaya looked puzzled. “Really?”

“I don’t know. I’ve just been, feeling things I never felt before. I’m still figuring it out.”

“Well, if you ever need someone to talk to, I am here. I know how awful it can be to feel alone in that aspect. The only person I talked to down at the labs was Karkat, but he never developed anything. Not yet, at least. The pattern seems to point towards late development.”

I smirked, though there was no humor in my voice. “You sound like a scientist, Kanaya.”

She scoffed. “Of all the insults.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“It is fine. It does not bother me.”

“So you’ve spent your whole life at the labs?” I asked, wanting to keep the conversation going. Not only was it informative, but it was lifting my mood a bit. Kanaya had that aura about her. And a literal aura. Now that it was dark, her skin seemed to shine in the moon light. I wasn’t sure if I was hallucinating from exhaustion, but it was beautiful nevertheless.

“Unfortunately.”

“I can’t even begin to imagine that. I’m so, so sorry.”

“It’s unnecessary for you to apologize, Rose. Though I appreciate the intent. There are so many things I wish I could have experienced. What I would have given to have the life of a real teenager,” sighed Kanaya. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that being a teenager wasn’t what it was cracked up to be.

But it appeared I couldn’t avoid the subject.

“Could you tell me what high school was like?” Her eyes were full wonder, her mouth smiling softly in anticipation. As if to compliment her ballerina-esque figure and aesthetic, Kanaya did everything with grace—smiling, blinking, scratching a mosquito bite, even sneezing (which I witnessed earlier).

I knew I was going to have to sugar coat this, for her sake. “Well, it was big. There were so many people at my school that it felt like I met someone new every day. The work and tests were stressful, I’ll admit, but I survived. Until the outbreak hit, at least. We were a quarter of the way through out third year of high school when it did.”

“I do not want to hear about the outbreak, Rose. We need a break from it. Tell me about the people!”

I laughed. The first genuine laugh I had emitted in, God, how long had it been? “Okay, okay. I didn’t really hangout with a lot of people; it just wasn’t my thing. A few of the girls were incredibly hateful and most of the guys were pretentious dicks. But the people I did talk to were amazing. Jade was probably my best friend. She had a passion for animals and science and didn’t take no for an answer. She represented the best of people,” I sighed, “But I haven’t heard from her since the outbreak.”

Talking about Jade… was hard. Thinking about her stirred up feelings and emotions that I would much rather stay buried deep below my consciousness.

“I am sorry, Rose,” Kanaya said, her voice quiet.

“Can we make a deal with each other?”

Kanaya was confused. “A deal?”

“Yes, a deal. A deal to stop apologizing to each other.”

“But—“

“Kanaya.”

A kindhearted sigh. “Okay. No more apologies.”

“No more regrets?”

“No more regrets.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [chapter title song: heartlines by florence + the machine]  
> \---first things first: i am not a victim of any type of abuse. if i get anything wrong or over step my boundaries *ever* in this work, please let me know (kindly) so i can learn and improve. just thought id throw that out there.  
> \---secondly, i hope everything makes sense so far? ofc there have been things omitted as of yet for plot reasons but please let me know if anything feels chronologically off. i feel way into roses character sometimes and confused myself lmao.  
> \---thirdly and finally: thank you all so much for your patience and kind words. literally all i have heard from you guys are awesomely kind and encouraging things and i could not be more grateful. if you have any comments, concerns, or suggestions, please contact me on here or at my tumblr lilithstarlight.tumblr.com
> 
> if you enjoyed, leave kudos or comments if you can/want! thanks again <3


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